


A Game You're Gonna Lose

by plantboycharms



Series: Electra Heart [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Casual Sex, Condoms, Lies, M/M, Miscommunication, Tsukiyama - Freeform, USE YOUR WORDS BOYS PLEASE JUST, Unrequited Love, safe sex, with a side of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 22:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8596624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantboycharms/pseuds/plantboycharms
Summary: Yamaguchi never needed to know how comfortable "Tadashi" felt, rolling off Tsukishima's tongue in the shower or late at night in the dark of his room. How his heart jumped when their hands brushed on the walk home. How soft and warm he felt when he heard his nickname, Tsukki, familiar and personal. How the freckles on his face looked like constellations and Tsukishima had a sudden interest in stargazing. No, he never needed to find out about that stuff. But Tsukishima Kei was not a patient person when he was angry.(NOTE: this fic corresponds to "Not Your Number One, and while it'll make sense, it won't make as much sense if you read it first. So you should read that one first!)





	

**Author's Note:**

> What's the point of saying you love me like a friend?  
> (Why don't we just pretend)

Tsukishima Kei was not a patient person when he was angry. 

He had come to terms with the fact that Yamaguchi was his Best Friend. That's all. Best Friend. He certainly introduced them as such to everyone they met, so Tsukishima took the hint. Yamaguchi would never, could never love him. Not like Tsukishima loved him, anyway.  
And that was fine. He would deal with that on his own.  
Yamaguchi never needed to know how comfortable "Tadashi" felt, rolling off Tsukishima's tongue in the shower or late at night in the dark of his room. How his heart jumped when their hands brushed on the walk home. How soft and warm he felt when he heard his nickname, Tsukki, familiar and personal. How the freckles on his face looked like constellations and Tsukishima had a sudden interest in stargazing. No, he never needed to find out about that stuff. 

But Tsukishima Kei was not a patient person when he was angry. 

And they lost the game, and Yamaguchi followed Tsukishima home like an obedient puppy, climbing innocently into Tsukishima's bed, and god he was beautiful and Tsukishima couldn't stop himself from sliding an arm over Yamaguchi's waist, mouthing softly at the strong tendons in his neck, sucking gently on his ear, until Yamaguchi turned towards him, rolling onto his back and looking at him with confused eyes shining from the window behind him. Then he couldn't stop himself from propping himself up above him, leaning down towards him to give Yamaguchi a soft kiss that turned into several soft kisses that turned into a frantic slide of lips and tongue and soft, quiet sounds that Yamaguchi didn't seem to be able to keep in.  
If he had, maybe Tsukishima would have been able to stop then.  
But he was so beautiful, babbling and bright, flush high on his cheeks, panting under Tsukishima. And when he started to whisper "Tsukki, Tsukki..." over and over, Tsukishima knew it was all over for him. He was completely fucked, and it probably meant nothing to his Best Friend. So he held back his voice, not letting the "Tadashi" fall out of his mouth when he came like it has so many times before. And when he had thrown the condom away, he didn't hold Yamaguchi's hand as they walked to the shower through the dark house.  
He didn't stop himself from taking Yamaguchi in his arms and holding him there, pressed against his chest, breathing in the smell of his hair and feeling their heartbeats sync up as he fell asleep. 

Luckily, Tsukishima was an early riser. He had time to remove Yamaguchi's arms and legs from around himself, get dressed, and start making them breakfast before his Best Friend stumbled sleepily out of the room.  
He had decided that he would Not allow Yamaguchi to know what that had meant, thank you very much, but this was testing him. Yamaguchi shouldn't be allowed, Tsukishima thought, to be sleepy-mussed, all bedhead and bleary eyes, yawning and pink-cheeked. But it didn't matter how cute he was, or how much Tsukishima wanted to kiss him right then and there, because Tsukishima was Yamaguchi's "Best Friend Tsukki" and he couldn't lose that. Never. 

So he continued to bustle around, making coffee and spooning rice and putting just the right amount of milk in Yamaguchi's coffee like he always did. Yamaguchi always said that he liked coffee better when Tsukishima did it, and Tsukishima would never forget it. 

Life goes on, Tsukishima thought. If you ignore the issue (and the waves of discomfort rolling off Yamaguchi), everything goes back to how it is. 

Except now he knew exactly what "Tsukki" sounded like from Yamaguchi's mouth, knew the exact facial expression he made when he came, the glassy eyes that stared up at him as everything else came crashing down. And now THAT would have to do late at night in the dark of his room.

Until he was so frustrated, so tired of hiding, so tired of keeping composure, that he had pushed aside the books in front of Yamaguchi and taken him to the floor, and then taken him ON the floor, stressed and angry and rough and tired. And Yamaguchi had come alight under his fingers, louder this time, the "Tsukki, Tsukki, Tsukki"s bolder, the cries and moans that much more delicious. And Tsukishima kept his mouth clamped shut, trying not to look at the faces that Yamaguchi made, trying to hold on longer. But the sharp tug on Yamaguchi's hair made him gasp and clench, and then Tsukishima was losing it, snapping his hips faster and harder and Yamaguchi was coming too, all over his bare stomach. And Yamaguchi was so beautiful and Tsukishima was so in love and so, so terrified. 

So the next day when Yamaguchi brought up the math homework that they had fucked on the night before, Tsukishima choked on his words, said he had finished it. Yamaguchi, thankfully, did not say anything else. 

It happened a few more times. Tsukishima was not patient. He was not kind. 

And he avoided the truth like the plague. 

He started closing his eyes. Looking at Yamaguchi was getting to him, starting to be too much. If he looked, he thought, he would not be able to look away. And someday when Yamaguchi married a nice girl like Yachi and moved to a nice house and had some nice kids, Tsukishima would have to look away. He didn't think he would be able to do it.  
(Plus, the sight of Yamaguchi under him, or on his knees, or face pressed into the pillow from the angle he was left in, hands and knees, was enough to send Tsukishima over the edge every time.) 

He was proud of the comeback he bit out in the shower. Yamaguchi's legs were around his waist; he was flushed, wet, and beautiful.  
If his words hadn't done it already, his lips definitely shut Yamaguchi up. Thank god. If he let him talk too much, he would eventually get to the "do you like me" and Tsukishima knew he could neither tell the truth nor lie. Better to never let Yamaguchi ask. 

So he shut him up, and he continued to keep him shut up, continued to use him and toss him aside like a used tissue, so that maybe Yamaguchi would assume, after all this time, that it did really mean nothing.  
If he treated him like a one night stand, a summer fling, maybe it would hurt less when Yamaguchi inevitably told Tsukishima that he didn't want to do it anymore. 

Tsukishima kept up the facade like his life depended on it. But Yamaguchi was soft, and gentle, and so easy to use, and Tsukishima was the damn fool who loved him. He couldn't stop himself.  
He loved him, but he would never tell him. He couldn't lose him. Not now, not ever. 

So Yamaguchi's Best Friend Tsukki kept his damn mouth shut. Along with his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> This one is Lies. (I fell asleep at like one with the song on repeat and woke up at like 6 with it still going so I'm pretty sure it's never going to be not stuck in my head again)
> 
> Consider a world where these boys use their fuckin words and all of this miscommunication is cleared up and they live happily ever after. Just... Consider.  
> But that would be no fun so here we are suffering instead.  
> Come yell at me to write something happier for once on tumblr it's fragile-euphoria I love messages  
> As per usual I subsist off of kudos, comments, and tears, so leave me some of those if you want. Love y'all.


End file.
